he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
