i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize