I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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