Need sex. Gaining weight.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
