just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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