I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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