and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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