it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Fuck appropriateness.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
