the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
