So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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