i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I could make wine with my vomit
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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