remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
