Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
