Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
