Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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