I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize