New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Randomize
