Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I am available for nakedness
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
