guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
