How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
