maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
