I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
