Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
