I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
