So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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