Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize