I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
