why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize