both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I had to cum in my sink.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
