wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
