i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
