i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
