if you like me you must not know who I am
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
