His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
