Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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