i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
ok first of all what the fuck
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
