By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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