how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
