Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
