Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Randomize
