found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Randomize
