Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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