I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
