In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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