I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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