I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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