Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
