this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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