yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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