So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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