so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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