i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
