So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
