people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
