my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
