You were right. It hurts to walk today.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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