I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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