Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
