i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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