Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
