She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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