This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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