don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
