just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
