She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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