the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
