apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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