If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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