It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
